Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified.

So today I decided to look for some inspiration for my character, specifically Pidge in "Cabin Fever". She's so interesting because she decides to break out of a group home and kidnap her sister's abusive husband. What I really wanted to focus on is the decision I have to make on whether Pidge is legitimately crazy or just a product of hard times and bad decisions.

The inspiration I found today was in the movie "Girl, Interrupted".

The basic gist of the movie is that Winona Ryder's character tries to commit suicide, so she is placed in a private mental institution that's basically a step up from the state hospital. I wanted to watch this movie because I knew that Winona's character was not really "crazy", yet she was put into an institution where pretty much every patient had some sort of mental deficiency. I also wanted to watch it for Angelina Jolie's performance, which won her an Oscar for best supporting actress. She was very believable playing the sociopath, and as an actor I really noticed and appreciated some of the acting choices she made (vocally and physically). After watching the movie, I really want to make Pidge into a combination of both those characters. I want the back story of the experience Winona went through being a sane person in a mental institution, yet I also want the spunk and eccentricities of Angelina Jolie's character. I think it was a really good movie to get me in the mood to start finding my character. And I recommend it as a good movie in general.

Now, onto the task at hand. I think one of the most important aspects of Pidge as a character is the ongoing question "Is she really crazy/insane/mentally ill? I have to make this decision early on because it will definitely affect how I portray her. Her basic back story, after reading the entire play, is that about a year before the play takes place, her mother was deathly ill. She really wanted to see her, but her father thought that it would be best if she didn't talk to her. His reasoning behind it was that Pidge is very eccentric and would have made her mother all worked up and possibly worse with her illness. Pidge doesn't understand, because her mother is a lot like her and understood her more than her father. So Pidge gets so upset that she tries to commit suicide to get her father's attention. It doesn't say how she tried, but I think it's important that I come up with how because it says something about her personality. After her attempt, they decide to put her in a "group home". When I hear group home, I either think of a house that recovering alcoholics or dug addicts stay at after rehab, or a home where young/old adults with special needs live if they can't live on their own. By the description in the play, I don't think she lives in a home with either of these descriptions.

So, what I'm deciding is that the group home that she lived in is a sort of stepping stone between a mental institution and normal society; probably a lot like what was in "Girl, Interrupted". Pidge describes her fellow patients as "fucking crazy". She also talks about how one of her "friends" has short term memory loss and another hit her with a chair because he thought she was Satan. This does not sound like a normal group home, so I picture it as somewhat of an institution that is more liberal than a state hospital. It must have been very interesting when she first lived there and had to co-exist with people with mental deficiencies. I can't imagine how much it affected her. It probably only encouraged Pidge to act out in weird ways because she was surrounded by it constantly.

I want to be able to come up with how she tried to commit suicide, but I don't think I know her well enough to establish that yet. It's too personal to just come up with one off the top of my head. I'll think about it for later.

So, the big question....

CRAZY or NOT?

Survey says....NOT CRAZY!! And here's why...

Yes, she tries to commit suicide. Yes, she kidnaps her sister's husband and yes, she locks him in a trunk. While under normal circumstances I would say that is pretty substantial evidence to convict Pidge of being crazy, but I don't think it necessarily points to that conclusion. I just think she is a highly passionate individual who is very eccentric and a little bit odd. She knows and understands everything that is going on around her, and she can respond to it with such wit and wisdom. Most importantly, she can clearly identify the purpose to her actions, and she doesn't blame other people for her problems. Crazy people can't identify their problems and usually through the blame on others. She knows why she attempted suicide; she was seeking the attention of her father and dying mother. She kidnaps her brother-in-law because she fears for her sister's life and loves her sister dearly. These actions done by any other person may seem motivated by insane thoughts, but being done by Pidge is something completely different. Because she is highly passionate, she sees normal situations in a different light with more dramatics than necessary. When put in high stress situations, she makes very bold decisions for her future actions that might not be the best choice. She is also an eccentric, so these decision may also be creative yet dangerous.

Another item of interest that I just noticed this afternoon is the fact that Pidge never calls herself "crazy". She does make fun of her institutionalization by calling herself "insane", "mentally ill", and "a mental defective". She even calls her friends in the group home crazy,but she never refers to herself as crazy. I just happened to notice that while reading, and I found it intriguing. I don't know if it was the playwright's intention or not, but I sincerely hope he did it on purpose. It gives so much to work with for my character. To me, it only reiterates that Pidge isn't crazy. Out of all of the daughters, I think Pidge has the most self-confidence, but she's not afraid to point out her own flaws. I think she likes the idea that people thinks she's crazy because she can play around with it and fuck with people's heads. Again, she's weird so she finds enjoyment in messing with people, especially her family. So she'll call herself insane and mentally ill, but the fact that she won't call herself crazy says something about her. It says that she still has some self-pride in her that won't allow her to call herself that specific name, because then it would be true. That word has some meaning for her, whether it's because she had to deal with it in the group home or during her childhood, who knows. I think it's very significant.

Wow, that's a lot for today. This was sort of a two-day entry, so sorry for the length. I discovered a lot about Pidge, and I'm glad that I finally decided that she wasn't crazy. Now I can start diving into her character more for the future days to come.

Act well your part, there all the honor lies
Christina Jones