Another opening, another show!

Well, in this case it's another closing of another show. I am currently in the green room during our last performance of "The Lone Star Love Potion". Like I've said in previous posts, this show seems so thrown together it's insane. It feels like a new performance every night, but not in a good way. Line flubs out the wazoo and a lot of ad-libbing. Thankfully I'm not a major player in this show, so it doesn't affect me as much, but it's still a sad thing because it had the potential to be an amazing show. Don't get me wrong, it's a good show, but I think with all the time restraints and stress of summer rep held it back from reaching the next level. It's really not at the fault of any person specifically, it's just a result of bad circumstances. Nevertheless, it was still a great run of a good show.

Tammy Jo was a fun character to play. I got to play the Texas beauty queen, which I don't get to because I really don't look like one. But it's been fun, especially getting to play around with the sexy side. One comment I got about my performance was that it was a one dimensional character, which kind of upset me. But the more I got to thinking, the more I was ok with that. Tammy Jo is not a 2-D character, at least in this play. Each actor is like a character in Clue: the butler, the maid, the lawyer, the heiress, the sleazy husband, the nerd, and the cowgirl. It's a farce, so the last thing the playwright is worried about is deep character development. In this case, the story is the most important part. The characters could be taken out and changed into something completely different and that's ok...as long as the story is still intact. So I'm ok with the fact that Tammy Jo is a one dimensional character because that's the way that she is meant to be. She doesn't go through any meaningful changes through the play. She's just dear ole Tammy Jo.

And the more I think about it, the more I realize Pidge didn't go through any real changes either, and I think that's the way it's meant to be. We talked early on in rehearsals about how Cabin Fever was set up to show the flaws of every character except the one every puts the blame on, and that's Pidge. She becomes the scape goat, but through the course of the play we realize that everyone is messed up except Pidge. She's actually pretty normal. I mean, I guess she changes a little bit, by kind of accepting her family again even though they decided to blame her for everything, but that's pretty much it. I've had a summer of changeless characters, on purpose of course.

So, as intermission ends, I sit here a changed actor. Through all the bullshit of summer rep I've grown so much as an actor. I've learned a great process to help me get into character and stay in character. And I've gotten to play around with two amazing characters for a girl of only 20. Summer rep might have been hell, but the acting experience will stay with me for the rest of my life. Now....PHALLUS PAN HO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Acting is happy agony.” -Jean-Paul Sartre

I'm in a very weird state right now. I'm dealing with a lot of issues (not drama, just internal nuisances) so this one might be all over the place. For that, I apologize in advanced.

Sometimes I don't realize how important strike is for an actor. For me, and especially with this last role in "Cabin Fever", once the show was over I didn't feel like it was over. I kept feeling the role and doing the physicality of the character. There was nothing to stop me. It wasn't until we started strike that Pidge slowly but surely left me. The feelings I get during the show and before the show all left with every task that I performed. I know that strikes suck because you just gave your all during a performance and now have to work two extra hours taking down the set; but strike actually gives me closure. I feel a sense of accomplishment after taking down the set, like the process has been completed from the audition process to now. I guess I also see it as taking down the world in which you (as your character) lived in. With the destruction of that world, there is no character for you to live through. It's kind of sad, really.

But I find it funny because sometimes I'll catch myself doing Pidge mannerisms. I embodied that character more than I ever have in a role before, so it would make sense that she's still within me. It's harder to shake her off. I'll sit like her a lot, which makes me laugh. It's so hard to let her go, though, since she was a great character to play. I'm just worried that I will never get to play a character as complex and layered as she was.

Anyways...I guess I will finally say goodbye to Pidge and move on to my other acting endeavors.

By the way, I decided to put a slide show on my page with photos taken from the productions I've been in. I figured since this is my acting blog, I should have some sort of something that people can look to when I make references to past shows I've been in. I also enjoy being reminded of those plays and seeing me grow as an actor. It's just fun.

We opened "The Lone Star Love Potion" last night, and it went very well. I was extremely worried about the production because it kind of got pushed to the side...which is to no one's fault. It's hard when you have to work on two shows at one time, because one will always be pushed to the side, and in this case it was just simply because we had to put up two other shows before it. So going into technicals was not the best feeling because this show was the hardest in that department since it had the most sound and lighting design elements. Not the mention our lines were not at par to where we needed to be. Never the less, we pulled through and gave a pretty stellar performance. The audience went berserk, which I guess is probably normal for this show since there are so many transformations and sex. I was surprised how well I was received by the audience, which I think in part is due to the fact that some theatre people I know where there were probably reacting to the blond wig. I will take it as a win for me, though :)

We are in the home stretch now. We are running the last show and now have no more shop calls, which I am not complaining about at all. It's been a rough two months, but it's been an adventure. Thankfully I'll have this week and next week to somewhat rest and find a non-theatre related job to support myself with. Then it's on to Phallus Pan! There is no rest for the theatre weary!

“A work of art is above all an adventure of the mind” -Eugene Ionesco

I, Christina, sit here in my living room in my house with an ice pack on my swelling knee and a knot on my head...

This, my good friends, is the price of live theatre!

But, I'll get to that later. Right now we are about to finish the run of "Cabin Fever". It's been a fucking roller coaster, that's for sure, but it's really been an incredible acting experience. Like I said before, I've been taking the time to truly prepare myself for the role, which I really haven't done before. I warm-up and then take some quiet time to meditate and get into character. I've noticed a big change in my acting by doing this, so I'm definitely going to continue this. It's helped me focus so much and stay in character for as long as I can. I feel very satisfied after the performances because it just felt right. Minus the directing issues it's been a great experience.

It's so interesting when looking at the dynamic of the audience with the actors. I know you aren't supposed let it affect you as an actor, but it's almost impossible not to. Like tonight, for instance, was a great night because the audience was very responsive and active. It really helped with the energy of the show and I know it boosted me up personally. And then there's nights like last night where the audience just doesn't feel like responding. As an actor you try so hard to get some reaction, but it just didn't do any good. It's so frustrating sometimes, but that's part of the biz. Sometimes the audience just won't get "it" or doesn't appreciate it. I just have to suck it up and move on to the next show.

But anyways, tonight was very interesting. Everything was going great until the fight scene. I accidentally slipped whilst being choked and feel backwards, taking my chokee with me! It was one of those slow motion to fast forward adrenaline moments. After I hit the floor I really didn't know what happened because I think I was in shock. Thankfully I didn't get to go offstage until the end of the show, so I didn't have time to process it and let it affect me. It started to get to me during my last monologue, but for the most part it wasn't bad. But it's funny because that's the beauty of live theatre. Shit is going to happen sometimes, and it's our jobs as actors to play it off and make it a part of the moment. We played it off pretty well I think, so I'm glad.

So the broken Christina is now resting her weary bones for the next performance tomorrow. It's our last one, and I'm very sad actually. While summer rep is stressful, I love this show and this part. It's a great role, and who knows when I'll get another one like it. But, never the less, I'm excited for Lone Star coming up. We've been working on it for a while now and I'm ready for some technical elements. I'm especially excited about costumes because I think it really makes my character. It will be a nice change from crazy. And farces are always fun.

Valium is my favorite color...how did you know?

So, I'm writing this in a state of exhaustion, frustration, and all out scared-ness. We open "Cabin Fever" tomorrow night, and I'm a little nervous about it. We haven't run the show all the way through without stopping yet, which worries me. I think we have a good show right now, it's just hard to tell because we haven't had a full audience to react to things, so I'm not sure how it will go. People who've seen it say it's good, so we'll see.

Today was just very overwhelming for me as an actor. I think I was handling the pressure of a big part and learning everything in a short amount of time very well. Even technicals didn't really bother me. But today just kind of threw me off balance. We had dress rehearsals, which didn't bother me all that much, but on top of learning everything about the fake gun just was too much. I've never shot a gun (real or fake) before in my life, so I was petrified. And I was trying so incredibly hard not to show any fear or hesitance when handling it so I didn't make the cast feel unsafe. I focused too much on that gun, and the fact that two of the "big wigs" of the department came to watch the show. If it was one of these many factors I would have been fine, but all of them at once was impossible.

It's not like I sucked it up completely. I mean, I think I did pretty well for a while. I decided for these summer shows I was going to try out something new. This past semester I read part of Stanislavsky's "An Actor's Method", and wanted to try something that he pointed out. He wrote about the importance of getting into character by taking the time to focus and use every pre-show action to prepare yourself. I'm not going to lie, I don't take the time to get into character before a show. I'll do warm-ups and everything, but I don't just sit down and focus about it. I wanted to try this method out to see if it helped. So I did my make-up, but just chilled until I felt I needed to get ready (since I don't go into the show until about 15 minutes in). After that I focused while putting on my costume, doing my hair, and last minute make-up touches. Then I just sat in the dressing room and meditated for a while. I wanted to try and re-create this possession exercise we did during my acting class. I think it all helped a great deal, but tomorrow I'm going to take more time for the meditation part. I felt like I didn't have enough time to fully appreciate it. But for me, it got me in the right mindset for the show and my character.

I did well through all of Act 1, but it was Act 2 that got me. I don't think I took enough time to focus during intermission, so that definitely took a toll on me in the long run. I stay on stage for basically the whole time, so I probably should take double the time to prepare myself. It's just very tiring and draining while doing it. There was some point today during the run where I just lost it. I'm not sure where it was...I think maybe after the fight. Yeah, now as I think about it...I think it was at that point. I just lost "it", and I realized it while I was onstage. I knew I was out of character and lost my focus. It sucks when you realize that while you're in the middle of a show. It's very hard to get it back, and I tried my hardest, but it just wasn't the same. I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll get used to all these different factors and it won't throw me off so much.

I think we're doing some good work here. Pidge is one of the most difficult characters I've had to play, and I think I'm doing her justice. I just hope everyone sees the play and appreciates all the hard work we (and I) have done.

Holy, moley, fucking shit!

So, I'm going to stray away from summer rep topics (gasp! I know) and talk about the third of my play trifecta for the summer. During July I am going to start rehearsals for a brand new play called "Phallus Pan" by local playwright Margie. It's with the group called EAT (Experimental Artists Theatre) that performs plays written by Margie that are very "artsy", as my mom would put it. I've never worked with them before, but after watching two of their productions, I wanted to get me a piece of that pie. So, I auditioned in April for "Phallus Pan" and got the part of Wendy :) No offense to the other girls who auditioned, but I think my part in this play was well earned. For my audition we were given lyrics to this random song and we had to perform it as a monologue. For me, I acted like a sex-addict that was praying at church but couldn't hold it anymore and started humping the pew. I basically orgasmed on stage...so I worked for it! lol It was probably the most fun I've had at an audition...EVER

I'm writing about it now because I just read the script for it. The way she did it was they had auditions first, and from that group she figured out who would play who and wrote the script for us. I just think that is so neat. This part in this play was written specifically for me. You don't get a lot of opportunities like that in theatre...especially Lubbock, TX, so I am eternally grateful. Anyways, I just read it and I'm in shock. The script is so good and sooooo raunchy! I mean, I've done some raunchy things on stage: I've had sex (under the covers), I've pretended to take it from behind, I kissed tons of guys...all these things I've done onstage. But this script and this part will put it to shame. I'm scared to death because some of the things that I have to do will be extremely personal. I mean, forget the orgasm thing, there's other stuff in the play to goes way beyond that. And, as an actor, is kind of scary to attempt something you've never done before. I know it's acting, but it's almost a different kind of acting. Like if you're doing melodrama or Shakespeare for the first time...it's completely different from the straight play acting.

But at the same time, I'm so enthralled by this opportunity. It's a new challenge for me, and I'm all up for that. And on top of that, it will be sort of liberating to be able to do all these things onstage. If I want to continue doing theatre, I have to be open to performing anything. I've always been the person that people compliment about not being afraid to be open and broad and out there. This is a different kind of "out there", so I need to conquer it just the same. Hell, after I do this show, I won't be afraid to do anything on stage!

On the down side, this will be the first show in the history of my artistic endeavors that my parents will not get to see. For this 5 people reading, please don't mention this if you come in contact with them. It's not that they wouldn't be proud of me, I just don't want to put them through it. They aren't as liberal as I am, so the content might be too much for them. It's basically like children and theatre...I think.

Nevertheless, still excited, and more on Phallus Pan to come!

[long winded make-up blog]

So, I deleted the last post because it was posted before I finished it. Life has been super hectic right now. We just put up the first show in the summer rep series, and I've been ushering with that. We open "Cabin Fever" in less than a week and "Lone Star" after that. It's actually really frightening when I think about it, since we haven't had a full run of the show without stopping. BUT I have faith in our cast. So, here is my long-winded blog about random things over the past couple of days.

I'll start with "Lone Star" because I feel like I haven't talked about it enough and if I save it for last I might not want to finish it. Even though we haven't rehearse for it as much as the other, I feel like I'm getting better direction. Walking into the rehearsal process I had an idea of what character I was going for. I saw Tammy-Jo as the goofy, Annie Oakley Texas girl. During the first couple of blocking rehearsals, he could see that I had that character pretty much down. I mean, not trying to sound cocky, but I can play the awkward, goofy character pretty well. So he sat me down and we talked about the character and he asked me to try out a different version of Tammy Jo, just to see how it played. I went for the Texas beauty queen, and it turned out that this version of the character not only had more depth but had more opportunities for funny bits. It was after having that moment that I realized what a great acting experience it can be when you have a great director. I had that same experience during "We Won't Pay!" as well. When you get good parts with good directors, they know how to encourage the creative process within you. They bring out the best in you, and it looks effortless on your part.

I've worked with this director before. He directed a short dramatic scene for one of his classes. In those few weeks working with him, he brought more out of me than most directors get with 2 months of rehearsals. I felt so rejuvenated after working with him because he knew what he wanted and how to get that out of me. And it benefited me in the long run because people got to see this dramatic side that I don't get a chance to show. I can be dramatic damnit! lol

So, needless to say I think Tammy Jo is doing just fine. The part isn't all that big or important, but it's just one of those fun, character-roles. I am a character actress, after all, so I should be grateful to get these parts as they seem few and far between in this department.

Then there's "Cabin Fever". It's not like it's a shitty experience or anything, because it's not. I have this really amazing role that I should be thankful for...and I am! But the experience isn't as rewarding as I would have hoped for. I feel lost when performing. I have this idea for the character, and I've worked really hard to make her feel real and genuine. I feel like I've had no input from the director. She'll help with random odds and ends, but she's so organic that it feels like she won't critique anything past the acting basics. I guess it helps me in a way because I'm working twice as hard on trying to observe myself more since she won't point anything out. But there's only so much I can do without an outside observer. I almost feel like a child being thrown into the deep end only knowing how to doggy paddle. After a while, will I drown or succeed in swimming? I don't know, and I guess I will never know unless someone watching gives me an honest critique.

One of the Dr.'s of the department came to watch us run Act 1 today. And it was then that one of those random theatre-reassurance moments occurred. You know those random moments that reaffirm your faith in yourself as an actor and artist? Yeah, had one of those moments. While the performances was going on, I did one of my many rambling monologues within the show, and I hear laughter coming from him. It made me jump on the inside to know that I got the first audible reaction from him for the day. I know it's small, and it probably doesn't mean anything to the random person, but to me it means everything. I collect those moments as much as I can and treasure them, because God knows that if I want to pursue this further in my life they will come less and less as the years go by. So, that was my little "Yay for the Day".

I think I've made Pidge a human role. I'm not sure what I want the audience to feel when observing her. I guess, thinking about it now, I want them feel all emotions when watching her. I want them to hate her when she's a bitch, feel scared when she has the gun, feel pity when she's trying to fight for her sister, and most importantly of all understand her at the end of it all. She can be a very unlikeable character because of her actions, but I want to try and find the humor in her to share with the audience.

Well, the show is about to let out, so I'll head home and try to relax. The next two weeks will be rough and busy, so who knows when I'll be able to update next. But, we will see.