Let our show by the rice krispie treat!

So, opening weekend for "Phallus Pan" has come and gone, and it was great! Minus Friday night, we had excellent audiences considering a ton of people are still away for the summer. On opening night we sold out completely and had to turn people away. That's a really great feeling.

I think I've been doing pretty well with this show. As I said before, everything has sort of clicked together recently, and I've been able to connect with the emotional side of Wendy. I know I went through a different experience, but feeling all that pain and anger made it easier to relate to Wendy and all of her pain. I'm going to say, and I don't want it to come off cocky or self-indulgent, but I truly believe the final scene of Pan is my best work thus far in theatre. I don't think I'm giving my best performance in the overall show; there are certain parts that give me shit all the time and I kick myself for it. You know when you're acting and in the moment and everything...and then you suddenly lose it and you think "Well fuck, where did it go". That happens to me sometimes during the show, but all I can do is focus and try and bounce back. But, the final scene is so powerful and beautifully written....and I think it's one of those things where every aspect just falls into place. I feel so much during that scene, and believe me it is truth down to the very core. It takes me about 10 minutes to get out of it. Thankfully with the audience I talk to them afterwards which makes the process speed up, but you should have seen me at our final dress when we were getting notes after the run-through. It was like my whole family had died at that moment because I was so depressed and quiet and blah.

And I know I've talked about the audience and it's affect on me before, but this one instance this weekend just pissed me off. On Friday we had a small audience, which didn't bother me, but they were sooooo not into it. They laughed periodically throughout the show, but it was until the last scene where they got very vocal. And I will admit, there are parts of the last scene that are funny. But this audience laughed during my monologue and the rape and the final moment. I was enraged when I finished the scene. There I am, basically pouring my heart out and being metaphorically naked onstage....and you're laughing at me?!?!? There is nothing funny about my monologue. KJSJKDKDDSOD! I know they didn't intentionally do that to spite me, but it still frustrated me to no end. I guess it's different strokes for different folks.

I've started working on my monologues for auditions coming up for the fall semester at Tech. It's weird because the past two auditions I've been to I didn't have to worry about being cast in a show. Summer Rep needed like a bajillion girls and for Pan they planned on using everybody who auditioned. Now it's the big time audition with cattle calls and monologues and faculty directors....I'm scared shitless. I've picked out two really great monologues though that I think will show my range more than I have before. I still have that worry that I wont make anything. That's probably one of my greatest fears...not doing theatre. And it sucks because there's nothing you can do about it. It just depends on who fits where and looks the part. There's a lot of great actors that don't get cast because of random reasons. I just hope I can continue my streak of great roles.