I act, therefore...I'm broke!

I've decided that I hate read-throughs. I know that it's necessary to do because it's the first time going through the play with the specific actors and their respective parts. And it gives the director (and in the case playwright) a chance to hear how it reads and come up with ideas for the show. I get all that.

I still hate them with a fiery passion!!!

I'm just not good with read-throughs. I feel so fake when reading it because it doesn't feel real. I feel like I'm reading aloud some book that I found interesting. I'm the type of person who needs to put the words into action so I can find some meaning behind them. Just sitting there and reading the play...I feel like a phony. And I also wonder if people are judging me by this...which mortifies me even more. I'm doing a play for the first time with this theatre group, and I have a pretty substantial part, so I feel like I need to prove myself. And if they judge me by this crappy read-through then I'm doomed.

With that being said, I'm really nervous about this one. Wendy is going to be a bitch of a role. Not only do I have the most lines, but just the character is completely different than what I've played before. Which I know is good because I always want to reinvent myself as an actor. But it's also frightening because I'm going through uncharted territory. I just really hope I can do the role justice and not completely suck. That would be nice.

On a completely different note....I wish I was at the point in my life where theatre could be my real-time job. Right now, since I'm in school, theatre is kind of the prize of the day. It's the "if you're lucky you might get the chance to do this once in a while" while I have to look for a big girl job. I want to do theatre for money. I want to get paid for doing what I love doing. I wish it could be that simple, but I have the sneaking suspicion that it won't happen for a while...if ever. Why can't I live in a bigger town that pays you to act? Why do I have to pay $1500 to be able to act over the summer? Will I ever get to that point? These are the thoughts that go through my head.

Whelp, I can't do much about it now. Unless Lubbock magically gets bigger, I will be stuck in my predicament. I think this is just an excuse not to work at a boring 9-5 job...or because I'm lazy....sometimes