Work is what you do for others, art is what you do for yourself

Due to the fact that life is life and I have yet to find a big girl job, the posts have been limited. But I am hopefully finding a job next week, and rehearsals are well under way for Phallus Pan, so hopefully I'll be able to post more. Now this blog will be all over the place, but hopefully the general message will get across.

I, Christina Jones, am not the perfect actor. My life would be so much easier if I were, and I sure as hell would not be residing in Lubbock, Texas that's for sure. The reason I am in Lubbock, Texas and at Texas Tech is because I want to learn everything I can about acting. I want to learn as much as possible about my craft so that I can be the best that I can be. That's one of the reasons that I transferred to Tech; I wanted to go to a major university so I could have the chance to learn and have more opportunities compared to smaller universities in the area. After being in the theatre program at Tech for a year, I feel like I can form my own opinions about the program itself, specifically dealing with learning more about the craft.

I feel like you can't improve on something if you don't know what you're doing wrong. If you're baking a cake, and it comes out tasting shitty, it's helpful to know if you measure the wrong amount of flour or turned the oven temperature up too high; otherwise you have no idea how to fix that damn cake! I see acting in the same light. In order to improve and get to the level of, let's say Meryl Streep, I have to know if I keep doing the same gesture or make a weird face sometimes. I try to stay aware of these things while acting, but it's hard to notice some nuances because I have no idea that I'm doing it. There's only so much I can do before an outside force needs to intervene. This is why the greatest actors in the world still have acting coaches, because they constantly need someone else to help them work on their craft.

This is the problem that I've encountered. I think I've reached a point where I need a lot of outside observers. Before Tech, I pretty much taught myself how to act through trial and error. I learned very basic things like blocking and opening up and projecting and etc., and through working in many, many shows I've taught myself basic acting concepts. I've never had any true acting instruction. Now, after coming to Tech, I'm learning about acting techniques, but in a very general manner.

But the thing that frustrates me the most is that I'm not being told what I'm doing wrong. Oh sure, I've gotten some notes on what to improve on during shows, but no one has come outright and said "Hey, that doesn't work" or "Quit moving your hands like that". It's like people are afraid to give a bad critique. It's so frustrating because I know I'm doing many things wrong, but no one will tell me! If I have a weird tick, tell me so I don't look like a dumb ass on stage! I just want someone to be completely honest with me and tell me what I need to work on. It might suck at first, but I can take it. I want to be able to work on it and get better.

This is my biggest critique of the Tech theatre department right now. And sometimes I feel like a phony because I have this figurative bag of tricks that I pull stuff out of. I'm trying to discover new aspects of acting, but without some guidance I'm pretty much screwed. I don't want to be pigeon holed as one type of character because I can't get decent instruction. It's not fair for me, or anyone else involved.